07. April 2013 · Comments Off on My Worst Fear · Categories: G. 8 years, The Beast

I am playing with my paper dolls on the stairs.  Titi walks in, Ah Ngung behind her.   She starts taking clothes out of the tall dresser that came from our house.   Titi hands the clothes to Ah Ngung, who stares down at the floor.

I hear a wail that wakes up all the fears in my heart.  It is my grandmother in her bedroom.   I know that my mother is dead.

My grandmother’s cries do not stop.  There are other sounds, my brother sobbing, the amahs crying.

I run outside and sit on the front steps.

My mom is gone.

Never again will I see her, hear her voice, or hug her.  Not in my whole life.   Not my tears, not my fury, not my prayers, nothing will ever bring her back to me.  It is hopeless.

Somewhere inside, a void opens.

My tears are useless, but they run down my face like rain.

I don’t know how long I sat there.


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